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Ed the sex machine

[ website | www.inacanproductions.com ]
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I'm doing sound on the Warped Tour. [11 Jun 2006|05:10pm]
[ mood | excited ]

I just got hired to run sound on the East Coast Indie Stage of this year's Warped tour. The ECIS is doing 2 legs, June 21-28 and August 1-11. Spitalfield is headlining the ECIS along with Split Fifty. Should be pretty fucking sick.

I'm doing tech rehersals this Friday and Saturday, then I leave on Monday the 19th. I'll be flying home the 28th then leaving Manhattan on the 29th for the cruise with Erica and I won't be back until July 8th. Then July 28th Erica, and I go camping with B-Man and Sammie for 3 days, then I leave for the 2nd leg of the Warped Tour on Monday the 30th. I'll be doing the local PA/NJ/NY Warped dates so come say hello. If you want to hang out before I leave, or the 3 weeks I'm home in July e-mail me.

This is going to be an AWESOME summer.

Adios.

Ed

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goodnight [31 Aug 2005|12:30am]
[ mood | indifferent ]

This weekend Erica moved up to the University of Hartford. Her parents, and I helpped her move in. The dorm room is ok, the roomate not so much. Erica's room is on the 4th floor, which sucked for carrying all her stuff, but we managed. There should be a law that requires all buildings with more than 1 floor to have an elevator. I stayed up there on Saturday in a hotel room that Erica's parents booked. Erica spent that night with me instead of at the dorm. I felt bad that she wasn't meeting her suite mates, but I was glad that we got to spend another night together. Sunday we got her some posters and the rest of her books. We ate a few times with her parents before they left to come home. I hung out a little while longer and set up her stereo. As it started getting late we both started getting a little emo and I almost called out of work for Monday and got a hotel room for the night. We both knew that wasn't going to help her adjust so we said our "See you later" and I made the drive home. It was pretty sad. It's Tuesday now and I miss her a lot. I've been missing her since I walked out of her room and down the 4 flights of stairs. She'll be home on Friday which is awesome. It's our one year anniversary on Monday (labor day) so we're celebrating by jumping out of a plane. We're going to Sky Dive The Ranch in Gardener, NY. Should be awesome. I just can't wait to see her on Friday. We've been talking on the phone but our converstaions don't last as long as I want, and it's not the same on the phone as it is when we talk while laying on her couch. It's going to take some adjusting but we'll get used to not being able to fall asleep next to one another. I got us a pair of Webcams, so we're each gonna have one and use it when ever we're on the phone so we can see eachother while we talk. I miss her lots. I've gotta go to the Doctor tomorrow so I figure I should get to bed soon. She'll be in my dreams, as usual. It's still not the same, but it's better than nothing.

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[04 Aug 2005|12:30pm]
Bad day today. 1.
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[18 Jul 2005|08:28pm]
[ mood | hot ]
[ music | CoCa - Welcome Home ]

Man, things have been...well, interesting...sorta. I'm still working at Camp Venture. I'm getting more money now (not much) and I work a bunch of overtime which is awesome. If the overtime wasn't there then I probably would have looked for a different job, or at least gotten a cool 2nd job, something I liked for extra cash kinda 2nd job. I'm still doing the whole sound thing. It's been a little slow lately. I think I've priced myself out of the market a bit. Promoters are getting cheaper and cheaper these days. I'm not outragiously expensive, especially for the amount of gear I bring, but since local hall show promoters can get away with crappy practice PA systems they do. Someone the other night told me that one of the bands I was doing sound for sounded like it was at the Chance...now I think that was a little bit of ass kissing since his band was yet to play, but it definately sounded more like the Chance then your average basement show, which is what I think most hall shows sound like, band practice in a basement with a lot of people there. I don't get why everyone is so concerned with making a fast buck over providing a quality service. I guess that's modern business for ya. There should be some compromise between profit and quality...Hell if I totalled up what I've spent on my PA system then totalled up what I've made in the past 3 years from it, I'd definately be no where close to breaking even, but I feel I need that much gear to provide a certian quality of service. I could do the job with less, but it wouldn't be up to my standards.

Anyway...Erica and I have been doing great. 10 months now! We've gone on some vacations, weekend trips and a bunch of concerts. We recently saw Jimmy Eat World, Taking Back Sunday (twice unfortunately), Weezer, My Chemical Romace, we also attended Bamboozle. We're gonna be seeing Coheed in Sept, (and hopefully sooner), System of a Down, The Mars Volta, and some others, which should be cool. We got to go Parasailing, and Hang Gliding on our trip to North Carolina, both were awesome. We finally made it to the drive in, it was pretty damn cool. I hadn't been to one in years, and she had never been. We've been doing lots of new things (Parasailing and Hang Gliding were part of that), we tried Thai food, what's that about. We've had some minor bumps in the road, but a road isn't a road if it doesn't have some bumps. This summer has been great so far, we've gotten to spend lots of time together. We take turns spending the night at eachother's houses, it's wonderful. She'll be going away to school soon, but I think we'll be ok. There's something there between us. There's gonna be a lot of things we have to get used to with her being an hour and a half away (no chicken fingers at 1am from the Blauvelt Diner). That's what life is though, adapting to a situation that's handed to you. It will make us stronger or tear us apart, either way we'll know what our relationship is really made of. I get sad about it sometimes, but deep down I know it'll work out for the best.

Life in general has been pretty good. I've been a little sick lately and I actually went to the doctor (gasp), but it looks like I'll be fine. I gotta start taking better care of myself though. I'm starting to get pain in my knees that I never had before. I've always had some kind of wrist, shoulder, knee, ankle, back problem, if it wasn't one it was another, but this knee thing is both knees and it's painful, especially walking down stairs. I'm thinking of switching insurance companies in December (which is the only time I can switch through my job's insurance plans) so I might hold off seaking treatment until then so it's not concidered a pre-existing injury by the new company...those fuckers will try to screw you anyway they can. More on this as it develops.

Something else I'm excited about is my new position at the Backdoor Cafe as Co-coordinator of the program. I've held this position before when I was like 19 years old. Lots has changed. I look forward to what ever is ahead for the program, and the staff. I've already recieved some very warm welcomes. I hope I have something to offer to the program and that the staff find it beneficial having me there.

Making plans for this evening. Play pool, watch movies, or run a marathon...we'll see what transpires. A few nights ago the idea of skinny dipping came up but it proved harder than expected to find willing participants. Saw Willy Wanka last night, weird as hell, not like the original at all. I felt like I was going to die today driving a co-workers car. He's rebuilding it but right now it's barely driveable. The axles are bad, and the engine is loud, and when I got out of the car I looked the the wheels and some of them didn't have all the lugs holding the wheel on to the car. I will never drive his car again. Tomorrow I gotta get some blood taken, then work, then the Backdoor Meeting, then who knows. I might take off of work on Wednesday to go on a run for CBGBs. It's a benefit run in the City to keep CBGBs open, or maybe go to Six Flags. This weekend Erica and I might either go to Utica to see my friend Pete, or up to Canada to see Canadians. There's so much to do and not enough time to do it all in, so I'm going to stop wasting time on the computer. Adios.

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"Are you guys in Reel Big Fish" [27 Nov 2004|10:38am]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | Deprivation - Picture Perfect ]

I don't really like the holidays. I'm not a fan of being nice to people that I wouldn't normally be nice to just because it's a festive time of year. I don't think there is much of the real spirit of these holidays left. Christmas is all about the presents. I know people who have been pissed off that they didn't get a certian gift despite getting a dozen other great gifts. How can you get pissed off when you get free gifts but you just didn't get the particular free gift that you wanted. And what's with returning gifts that you don't like. I could see exchanging for the proper size of the same item if it doesn't fit, but returning for cash, or exchanging for something better, come on. What happened to "It's the thought that counts." The holiday itself is a celebration of Jesus birthday, so really people should be giving gifts to him, or to the church since Jesus is dead. I can't recall ever celebrating some one elses birthday and getting presents myself. It's a sham. If you look into the history of it December 25th might not even be Jesus' birthday. It's more likely in the spring sometime according to the story since the Sheppards are herding their sheep. A bishop in the 300AD picked December 25th...why? To compete with other holidays from other cultures such as the Pegans, and the greeks. Christmas was even outlawed in England and it's colonies (including America) in the mid 1600's. What ever I just don't like the holidays, they're pointless celebrations. It's sad that people need an excuse to be nice to eachother and get gifts for one another. Why not just be nice all the time, and give gifts randomly. That's not my style, but all those who go all out for Christmas shouldn't blow their load all in one shot, spread it out over the other 364 days of the year. I guess all I can say is Ba- Humbug.

Things have been going real well. Everything with Erica has been great. I'm glad this all finally happened. I attribute a lot of my uplifed attitude to her. She's got such a positive outlook on life. I'm happier than I've been in a while. Things lately just seem to fall into place. Good times.

Work's been good. We had to do a lot of maintainence on the pool so we were close for almost 2 weeks. I really didn't do much in that time, some cleaning up, some tiling, some sleeping, it was good times. We're gonna be open again on Monday, but it was a nice break from our normal work schedule. I had training a few days too which is awesome. 2 days of not having to work with the consumers and still getting paid. Both days we got out like 2 hours early so I got paid for 4 hours that I didn't work, which is always awesome. I've had the past 2 days off of work to, which is really cool. I don't know how that works though now that I'm full time, I'm not sure if those are part of my paid holidays or not. I'll ask someone on Monday. I'm still looking for a 2nd job. I'm not really looking but I've had my eyes open if something happens come my way. I've got one place I'm thinking about sending a resume to that starts at $15/hour and I can make my own schedule. I have to revamp the resume and get someone to print it for me since my printer is dead.

I'm starting to get gigs doing sound again. I got one next week,and then starting in January I'm going to be the sound guy for a production company in NJ, Glasshammer Entertainment. They're doing monthly shows for now since they just moved to a new venue. I'm hoping that leads to more jobs though. I'm gonna go check out a show tomorrow to see what kind of PA systems other sound guys are bringing out to these hall shows, then I'm probably gonna try to steal their business. I'm working on getting some shows together, but it doesn't look like it'll be in Rockland. The halls around here want too much money for rent. $1200 for a 300capacity hall in Pearl River. If I filled the place it would cost $4/person to pay the rent, in order to fill the place I need a headliner that can draw 300 people, which would cost about $1000-$1500, so that would cost me $2200-$2700, plus advertising costs, catering for the bands, paying the other bands, and any other small expenses. I save money by not needing a sound guy, but it's still costly. All said and done it would cost $3000-$3500. Depending on the headliner I'd have to charge $10-$13 to break even if I filled the place with 300 kids. That's not a safe, or wise gamble since I'll have to shell out that cash if we don't get 300 kids. A few people said to me, "get Coheed then you'll definately bring enough kids and I'd pay $15 to see them around here." Well most people don't realize that Coheed gets $10,000 + per show, and thier rider is much higher than a headliner costing $1500. Anyway, I think I'm gonna work on some NJ venues that I know I can do shows at and that already have a built in audience. It sucks to say this but Rockland has made it impossible to do great shows with professional headliners. NJ here I come, maybe Orange County too, I hear there's a lot of potential up there but not much activity. We'll see what happens.

Speaking of Coheed and Cambria I'm going to see them on Tuesday up in Poughkeepsi with Erica. I'm hoping it's a good show. I saw them this weekend on some special on Fuse. They showed them playing Blood Red Summer, and Devil in Jersey City, and I must say it was an aweful performace. Claudio's singing was pretty bad, especially on BRS. They were on a big stage and they all were just standing around. I miss the days when those guys would go completely nuts on stage. Either way I'm excited to go see them. I haven't been to a big concert in a while, the last one probably being at the chance for the Ska is Dead tour or something. Well actually, the last big concert I was at was in Canada when I was touring, but I guess I was working so that doesn't really count. Anyway should be fun.

I gotta find someone to sepperate my hair for me so I can dread it this weekend. I picked it out lastnight and my fro is HUGE. My hair is almost as wide as my shoulders. I'm gonna pick it out today and then hopefully dread it tonight or tomorrow. I think Erica got some pictures of it...I need to make sure I've got some before and after shots. I'll probably have someone take shots during too. Maybe I should wait till the concert get some fake lip peircings and part the fro in the middle. Then I could walk around wearing a dickies jacket that's a little too small and see if any little 12year olds ask me for an autograph....and I'll charge them $10 for it.

I should get going. I've got a few friends who are home for the weekend that I want to see today before they leave. Adios.

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America FUCK YEAH! [23 Oct 2004|01:43pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I hung out with my friend Erika the other night. We got pizza in Nyack and ended up having a 2 hour conversation about politics and it got extreamly heated. I'll admit I've got some unconventional views on a lot of issues, but she didn't seem to listen to anything I was saying. I'd give example after example and she'd always come back to the same thing that my examples don't matter. She couldn't back up why they didn't matter, just because she didn't want to hear it. All her arguements focused on, short term resolutions with in a very narrow scope of the whole problem. I don't think people realize that for anything to change for the better that almost all current policies must have some reform and more efficent forms of funding must be implimented. You can't fix one problem with out effecting another one. Most issues aren't completely cut and dry, you can't really talk about how to make welfare work with out addressing a way to create more American jobs, which leads to the topic of outsourcing jobs that used to be held by Americans, which raises the issue of why the US imports more goods than we export. Everything is related at some level and unless people look at the bigger picture all the small victories will be over shadowed by the growth of the problems that have yet to be addressed. Anyway...

Things have been going well lately. I've been working a bunch of overtime the past few weeks. I'm finally starting to be able to save some cash again. I still want to get a 2nd job cuz this overtime won't last too much longer. I might start selling off some shit too. I've got a lot of old gear I might be able to get a few bucks for. Nothing real substantial, but the stuff is taking up space so why not make some quick cash even if it isn't all that much money. I'm trying to get back into the shows too. I'm having a real hard time finding venues. No one wants to give kids a place to go, too much of a liablity. I'm gonna keep trying though there aren't too many stones unturned.

I picked up my guitar again and started writing. Thinking bout getting some vocal training and starting to perform again. I really miss playing in a band, or even just doing the solo thing. I've gotta get something musical together soon. Not sure what I want to play though. I really like the hardcore and metal stuff, but I kinda miss the punk shit too. I'm definately gonna do some more of the solo acoustic stuff, open mics and such, but I want a full band to rock out with. The search begins.

Went to forrest of fear last night with my sweety. We had a good time. Sat on a really long line, and we didn't get scared at all, but we got to throw axes and knives.
In the Slaugter house:
Actors: RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRR
Me: (pulls out cell phone puts it to ear sticks out other hand towards the actors with index finger raised) Hold on a second this is important
Actors: That's not funny
Me: Yes, yes it is.
The fire spinners were pretty cool. I kinda wanted the one who spits fire to accidently light the other guy's hair on fire, just to make it a little more interesting, but no such luck. I must say the scariest thing was listening to Pretty Suicide and the other 3 chicks who sang really bad horror parodies of pop songs. B-Man was 100% right, yet I was not truely prepared for how aweful it would be. We still might hit up one more haunted house this season. Maybe a trip down to Philly for the Eastern State Pennitentary: Terror Behind the Walls. It's the 9th best haunted house in the country. The Pennitentary itself is said to be haunted, so why not throw some more scary attractions in there. It's 2 hours from here, but if it can scare me then it's worth it. For Halloween we might go to NYC for dinner at Jekyll and Hydes and then to the midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show in Chelsea. It sucks that Halloween is a Sunday but one late night won't kill me.

I'm off to some music store in Berganfield, NJ to check out some PA gear. Thinking bout redoing the whole PA. Don't really have the money, but I figure I should do the research to see what I'd want to get, that way I know how much to save, and if it's really worth it. I won't put any money it to gear that isn't an upgrade. Maybe I'll start selling blood and sperm to start paying for stuff. I hear sperm is $50 a shot. I kinda don't want to be responsable for the creation of any more children in this world. But I could use the cash, and who wouldn't want to get paid to masturbate?? Seems like a win/win situation to me.

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where can i find some free porn and illegal music to download [09 Oct 2004|08:00pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

Things have been pretty good lately. I'm working only one job now, but I need to find another one. I'm concidering going back to school, and I need to save up some cash. I've been sorta looking for a new venue but the pickings are slim in this area. I'm gonna keep looking though, I'd like to start doing shows again, it seems like Rockland could use it. I just got Optimum Online. I still have to e-mail all my friends with my new e-mail address and save my contacts so I can finnally delete AOL forever. It's about damn time I joined the rest of the world and got highspeed internet. I'm gonna have to find some good internet porn sites now.

I'm looking forward to next weekend. B-Man, Weasil, Erica, myself and possibly others will be hitting up a bunch of haunted houses in the area all weekend. On top of that it's my nephew's first birthday party on Sat so that should be a good time with some good free food. Team America World Police comes out next Friday. It's by the guys who made Southpark, and it looks pretty damn funny. I'm hoping to catch it Sat night after going to the haunted house. B-Man asked me if I wanna go see Shaun of the Dead one day this week. I think he said Wednesday night, so that should be a good time, that movie looks pretty funny.

I picked up my acoustic the other day and started playing some of my old songs. I even went to an acoustic open mic last week. I was a little rusty, but I had a good time. I think I'm gonna start playing regularly again. I miss it. I would love to play in a band again but the last few auditions I went on sucked. The bands were pretty bad, sub par in my opinion. I'm kinda feeling like getting back into playing punk. We'll see what happens. Finding reliable people is almost impossible, especially around here. Going solo with the acoustic thing might be the way to go. Maybe I should play to backing drum and bass tracks or something. I'll figure it out.

So all's good. Life's been very good to me lately, and I'm pretty happy about it.

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10 years of Warped Tour [19 Aug 2004|02:43pm]
I'm leaving to go to NJ to pick up the guys in Bigwig and their gear, then we're heading to Mass. for the 10 year anniversary Warped Tour show. Bigwig's playing tomorrow and I'm working for them. Not only am I getting an all access backstage pass for Warped but I'm getting paid to drive and do tech work for about an hour. We're going to a sick ass party after the show with all the bands. Should be off the fucking hook. I'll definately bring my camera. I'll be back Sat to work a show at the Ramapo Valley Brewery. It's an all age show starting at 1pm with Randall Flagg and some other hardcore bands. It should be a good gig. Sunday is going to see the Orange County Choppers with Erica the Intern and B-Man. Should be an awesome weekend. Gotta finish cleaning out the van and packing some clothes.
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I wanna be desolved in Hydrochloric acid and have my body changed in to carbon dioxide [15 Aug 2004|12:18am]
[ mood | restless ]

Long week. My night job is over though so I'll be able to actually do shit during the week again. I think I'm gonna be quitting the music store soon. It all depends on this other guy at Venture. I should know if I can take his hours on Monday, then I'll give my 2 week notice. I worked today at Krucker's. I love cash jobs that are off the books. I didn't go out last night, or tonight. I couldn't find a damn thing to do. Tomorrow night I'm gonna have to find something to do cuz the weekly Sunday BBQ is on hold this week since everyone has other shit to do. I still have to teach my swim lesson in the early afternoon, but then I'll be on a quest to find something to keep me entertained.

So today I was eating some Ziti and Chicken Parm and I realized that Erica the Intern is one of the nicest people I know. She is by far one of my closest friends, and she's an all around good person. It's really nice to have people like her in your corner.

I've been getting some aweful sleep lately. Tossing and turning and shit. Waking up in the morning dreanced in sweat, but no nightmares or anything. I'm the type of person who can fall asleep anywhere, and lately I can't fall asleep at all. Not even at work. I've done some of my best sleeping while I was on the clock, getting paid and shit. But this week I got nothing, and not for lack of trying. I've been exhausted though at night, and then all day I can't fully function because I'm so damn tired. I just want a good nights sleep for fuck sake. Maybe tonight will be the night.

My Dad got out of the hospital. My sister told my mom he's doing ok. He hasn't been drinking or smoking which is good. Hopefully he can keep that up and avoid another stroke. I haven't spoken to him in almost a week so I'll probably call him tomorrow to see how he's doing. I should try to hang out with him one of these days, but I think I'll need to ease my way into that. It's tough to go from not speaking to someone other than their birthday, fathers day, Thanksgiving and Christmas, to spending time with them just because. I'll start with the phone call but I can't promise anything more than that.

I got a new mixing board 2 weeks ago and I'm yet to test it out. Bought it used so I really wanna fire it up and check everything. Tomorrow might be a good day to do that after my lesson. We'll see what happens.

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if you don't know, now you know [08 Aug 2004|12:27pm]
Pretty crappy week this week. Work at the music store sucks. I'm looking for any excuse to quit. I'm trying to work out more hours at Venture so I can quit the music store and just work at Venture. It all depends on this other kid's school schedule, if he can't work Mondays and Wednesdays anymore then I'm in. I'm gonna buy some mics before I quit though so I get my 20% discount. I just bought a new mixing board to replace the one that got stolen. It's way bigger with more features and better pre-amps. I'm pretty psyched. I got the Guitar Center Credit Card so I didn't have to pay for all of it right away. I've got 15 months to pay off $770, not too bad. I also bought a new kick drum mic so I can retire my old one. It's too valuable to be lugging around for gigs even though it sounds great.

On Friday my dad went into the hostpital. He suffered a mild stroke. So far he seems to be ok except for his speach and a little bit of muscle loss in his face. He'll be in the hostpital till at least Monday. I've gone to visit him everyday, and I'll be back there this afternoon, and I might take off tomorrow to bring him home. My dad and I don't really get along that well. We hardly ever talk other than holidays and birthdays. Now it looks like I'll be spending lots of time with him making sure he's alright and helping him get used to the changes he has to make to prevent another stroke. It's gonna be rough on my sisters and I, but it's gotta be done. The doctor says he could make a full recovery, but there's a good chance of another stroke so he has to be careful. I'm hoping that this is it, and he doesn't get any worse. He was definately lucky, but you only get lucky once. I'm sure I'll be going nuts with in a few weeks, but sometimes you gotta just suck it up and make sacrifices for others.

With all this happening with my dad I still managed to find time to see Jen last night. Originally I was gonna spend the night then we'd go to warped tour, but then on Thursday night she decided she didn't want to go, then friday I found out about my dad and I couldn't go anyway. So we were gonna hang out all day Sat till I had to go to the hospital. So I spent the night Friday. Things felt kinda weird. Then Sat morning it got weirder. I felt like she didn't want me there so I ened up leaving before we even ate breakfast. Then we spoke last night when I got home and things still felt weird. So we ened up breaking things off. It's better that way. We've only dated a month, and if it already feels weird then there's no point continuing a relationship when both people feel that somethings not right. It's all good though, no harm no foul. We're going to talk still and hang out from time to time. I at least learned that I'm not a fan of dating (going out on dates), and that dating someone from the City is way tougher than dating someone who lives upstate. Traffic, bridges, tolls, and parking...fuck all that shit. I'd rather drive an hour upstate to see a girl, then 20 miles into the City through all that crap.

Gotta get to work. I'm teaching private swim lessons to autistic children on Sunday's now.
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A moment of clarity [31 Jul 2004|04:55pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | A Favor House Atlantic - Coheed and Cambria (it's stuck in my head) ]

Ok so maybe I was wrong about things with Jen. I stuck in there and we continued talking. We made plans for her to come up here Friday. At the last minute plans changed a few times, but ended up being that she'd come up and we'd go to a party at Jaem's house. She didn't really want to come up here and not know anyone at the party, but after some arguing she decided to come up. Am I ever glad she did. We had a great time. She met my friends and then we went swimming at venture last night and we spent the night together here. It was awesome. This morning we went to the diner for breakfast and then to Walmart. After browsing I brought her back to Westchester to catch the train back to Queens. In the end she had a good time, and we were both happy she came up. If she hadn't made the trip I don't know if things would have worked out. It was somewhat of a test and she passed. We'll have to see how things unfold. I'm kinda taking it 1 step at a time. Hopefully it all works out, I guess I'll see.

After I dropped Jen off I went to Guitar Center to look at some mixing boards cuz mine got stolen out of my van last week. So I'm lookin around and I've got this one $2400 mixer in mind, but then I stumble accross a nice Mackie 8 buss. It's used but going for like $1400. So I talk to the salesmen and decided that th's the board I'm gonna take. I also got a used Beta 52 kick drum mic and some cables. I ended up getting an awesome deal, I saved about $200 in total. The board was kept in great shape and the original owner even had the manual and the cover for it which rocks. I'm gonna end up building a case for it. I'm gonna try this one mixer case I have from an old yamaha, but if it doesn't fit I'll just make one.

I'm trying to get some peeps together to go see the Borne Supremicy tonight. so far I got some maybes. It's early yet, I'll keep callin people, the more the merrier. I'm gonna take a short nap, I'm tired as hell from the staff softball game. I gotta clean out my equipment room too so I can bring in the PA. Lots of shit to do. Oh well what else is new. Adios.

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[25 Jul 2004|05:11pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

So things have been pretty good lately. I recently met a girl named Jen. As cheesy as it sounds we first met online. Then we spent a lot of time talking on the phone. We had a few marathon conversations, 4 hours, 6 hours ect. We have a lot in common, we clicked right away. We've got lots of differences too which makes things more fun. After a few nights in a row of talking for hours we made plans to go on a date. I drove down to her apartment in Queens to meet her for the first time. It was pretty exciting, I've never really dated someone I didn't already know for a while, and definately never been on a blind date. I had seen a few pictures, but you can never really tell from photo how someone really looks. She's very cute. Anyway, we took the subway into Manhattan and went for dinner at the Jekyll and Hyde Club. That place is awesome. It's an interactive resturant with a halloweenish theme and the food is great. It's a bit expensive, but well worth going for a special occassion. We ate dinner and we're thinking about going to a movie. We decided instead to go back to her apartment and watch a DVD. So back on the subway to Queens. When we got back to her place she gave me a small abstract painting she made for me using different shades of my favorite colors, and she added 3 X's. It was cute, no one's ever made me a painting before. We went out for a walk and to get ice cream. When we got back we ended up watching Empire records in her room. It was getting late and she asked me if I wanted to stay for the night, I said yes and we went to sleep. We slept in her bed and I put my arm around her. It was a wonderful evening. The next morning I dropped her off at the Subway so she could go to work, and I went home. She called me later that day and said she wasn't feeling well, that her throat was hurting. We had kissed on our date, and I guess I should have warned her that I was a little sick...for about 6 weeks. So the next day I decided I'd go down to her place after work and bring her dinner and flowers to help make her feel better. We watched TV for a while and I left around 11 so she could get her rest. We spent the next few days talking on the phone at length and we made plans to hang out again this weekend. Once my appointment for my dread locks got postponed again I went down to Queens on Friday afternoon dispite the rainy weather. I got there around 7:45, and we were planning to go to the movies. We got on the train but there were some crazy delays due to the weather and signal problems so we got off after a few stops and 40 minutes and walked the rest of the way. We got to the theater at 9:40 for a 9:30 movie. We saw a sneek preview of Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. It was pretty damn funny. It's a stoner movie but there was some hilarious shit going on. After the movie we headed back to her place on the subway. The delay's were all cleared up thankfully. We ate at a diner near her place. The food was ok, not as good as the diners around here. So after we ate we went back to her house and I spent the night again. All in all another good night, but I kinda sensed that something wasn't right. We spoke again last night and it turns out that I was right. I like Jen a lot, and she likes me, but she's not sure if she wants to date. She felt bad telling me, but I think it's better to realize it now then later. No harm done. We only went out a few times. I got to meet a cool chick who I'll hopefully stay friends with. I don't think I like the whole dating thing. Going out on dates is totally not for me. Oh well when I find someone it'll just happen.

I went to the doctor this week after I got Jen sick to find out what the hell is up with my throat. Turns out that I have a little bit of strep. I have to take an antibiotic. I hate taking medicine. I'll only take medicines that are absolutely neccessary. If there was another way to kill the crap that's making me sick I'd do it, but after 6 weeks of trying to up my vitamin C with fruit and OJ to help boost my immune system I think it's time to just take the damn medicine. I keep forgetting to take it though. I'm supposed to take it 3 times a day, and at least twice I forgot a pill. The little sheet says not to double up though if you miss one, just keep on the normal schedule as soon as you remember to take it. It's 2004 shouldn't our bodies have adapted by now to stand up to all known viruses, germs and dieases? And where's my damn teleporter, and hover car. Yesturday I got some serious sunburn while I was lifeguarding. It should all turn to tan in a few days but for now it hurts like a bitch. I hate being tan, and I hate sunburn even more. I need to go get some aloe or something. I need to go take a cold shower too, that might help. Hopefully this will give me enough of a base that I don't get burned again this summer. I'm in the wrong profession for someone who hates the sun, and doesn't really like to swim. Oh well.

I think I'm gonna go watch Braveheart since I found the DVD last night. I love days off where I get to do nothing. I didn't even get out of bed today till about 1pm. I never do that. Adios.

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mindless dribble and irrellevant babble [03 Jul 2004|10:23pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]
[ music | No Outlet - Heart Broken Words ]

Life is back to normal pretty much. I started working again this past week. I'll be working at Venture and Robbies every week day and lifeguarding most weekends. I'm also working a few nights at the Orangetown pool. I'll be busy, but I could use the money. It's nice to be back on a schedule. I've been going to the movies a lot lately. in the past 2 weeks I've seen Day After Tomorrow, Dodgeball, Farinhiet 9/11, and Spiderman 2. I was pretty happy with all 4 of them, though I did have some gripes with Day After Tomorrow's stupidity, and some of the loss of focus in Farinhiet 9/11. I thought Dodgeball was hillarrious, and Spiderman 2 was good..."Spiderman went EMO in this one."

Today I drove a woman from New York City to Goshen to see her sick son in the hospital. I know her son from Venture. I spent most of my day on this trip and the woman did a lot of talking. I feel like she had things to say and needed someone to hear them so I listened. I got paid really well for helping her out, which right now the money was a blessing. I also got lunch out of the deal... how sweet is that. Hearing older people talk makes ya think sometimes. Thinking for me usually isn't good.

Anyway, tomorrow is the 4th of July. Right now I don't have plans. My friend Paul is having a BBQ. I'm not sure if I'm going because I didn't really get invited. Our friend Erica says I'm being dumb and that Paul told her to bring who ever, but if she hadn't mentioned it I would never have known about it, so I don't think I should go unless Paul invites me, which I doubt will happen. I don't really even care. My friends BBQs are usually just them getting super trashed with some food, instead of the normal geting super trashed and being hungry. I might just use the day to clean and do some yard work, but probably I'll just sit on my ass and be lazy. I'm still lacking modivation to do anything productive. I tried being productive this week by planning a big show for later this summer and starting In A Can Productions back up. There have been problems from the beginning of the planning process and every time I find a solution a bigger problem pops up. Right now I'm at the point where the show I want to put on would cost me over $3500, and the venue only holds 300people, so to make enough money to just break even I'd have to sell tickets for $12. I'm 100% against doing that, and in that case I'd have to sell all 300 tickets just to break even. I think I'm gonna have to just scrap the whole idea. I can't afford to take that kind of risk, and honestly I don't think the kids of Rockland will spend that much money, even though it would be a show with signed bands. I'm kinda bummed out about it because I really wanted to do something for the scene again. From the e-mails I keep getting and what people keep telling me it's been getting really bad the past few months. I want to help create something new and big, but I just don't have the start up capitol, and I definately don't have the faith in the kids of Rockland to come out to the shows. I think I should move up to Canada and start doing shows up there. The kids there are awesome, and costs are so much less than down here. "Insurance...what's that ?" I'd be able to put on amazing shows in Canada. I think I could do some awesome shows anywhere but here. Thing is I really don't care about doing shows anywhere but here. The whole reason I want to do shows is to give this area something it doesn't really have. When I was in my first bands I had at least 4 places I could go to see or play shows. Hell my old band had a slot locked in at Mai Place every month for their all age night, and we'd play to 150-200 kids. There's no reason that can't happen again, but it seems that at every turn I hit a brick wall. Oh well, I gave it a shot.

I've got so much weight on my shoulders right now. It's unfortunate but I don't feel like I have anywhere to turn. I feel like I've only really got one friend I could confide in, but over the past year I've felt like when I have I've been judged and looked down on somewhat. I usually feel worse after we've talked, kinda like my problems are petty. I don't need to be told that I'm right, or even give the advice I wanted to hear, but I don't expect to be made to feel like a child for the things that bother me. I definately lost a friend this year too...a best friend. A friend I would have died for, and still would. I've never been the type of person who depends on, or needs other people for anything. Lately I've felt like I'm climbing a ladder that I've climbed a million times, but now 1 of the rungs is missing and one is half broken and I keep slipping lower and lower and I can't find my footing. I've had pleany of people tell me I can count on them, or they're always there for me, but I'd never really turn to those people for help. Most of the people who are "always there for you" have too many of their own problems to start trying to deal with mine. And I don't really trust too many people's opinions or value their advice enough for them to really be of any help. That sounds kinda dickish, but in my book it takes more than hanging out once in a while to be my friend, and chances are I don't concider myself your friend either.

Gotta jet...adios.

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I wouldn't piss in your ear if your brain was on fire [22 Jun 2004|02:56pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | My Chemical Romance ]

I'm home from tour. I had an awesome time. Canada is an awesome place. We traveled from coast to coast. I met so many awesome people. All the bands we toured with were awesome. I really liked Death By Stereo, those guys are fucking crazy. I did a lot of partying with them. Captian Everything are from the UK and they were fucking rad. They let me learn one of their songs and play with them a few times. Bigwig was fucking amazing the whole tour. There wasn't one bad set, even when they were all sick one night they still kicked ass. I worked my ass of working for them. My whole job was setting up their gear, maintaining the instruments, sometimes running the PA or monitors, driving, advancing the shows, among other things. It was tough, but I still had a great time.

We had some bad luck and some insane car troubles on this tour. It started before we even left when we were packing up all the gear. We were at Bigwig's practice space and while we were getting shit together to be loaded into the trailer a thunderstorm nocked out the power. So we had to finish packing shit and load out with only a few flashlights. So that took a lot more time and we didn't end up leaving for Canada till 3am, which was 3 hours later than we had planned. So we go pick up our merch guy in Albany and head up to the boarder. When we get there some of the paper work was messed up and took extra time. So when we finish up we go to the RV and it won't start because we left the lights on and the battery died. So we waited for a jump. The guy came, and someone told him we left already, so we were waiting, and when we finally asked where the guy was we realized we had to call him back and wait some more. So we're finally on our way to Montreal and as we're getting off the highway the wheel falls off our trailer. So we're on an exit ramp 150 up with only a 3 foot barrier between us and the edge waiting for a tow truck to come get us. We get the trailer to where we need to go and I have to make arrangements to get it fixed and find a U-Haul so we can play a show while the trailer gets repaired. Pretty exciting first day and a half. We got it fixed with in a day so we weren't in bad shape. So a week and a half later, and about 2000 miles away in the Rockies our trailer tire falls off again. So we have to get towed and have it fixed. This time though we didn't get another trailer, we just piled all the gear and merch into the RV. That sucked so much. The trailer got fixed the next day though and we were on our way. Tusnami Bomb was nice enough to let us store our gear in their trailer until we got out of the mountians. So for the rest of the trip to keep the weight down in the trailer we kept most of the merch in the RV which sucked. That wasn't the end of our car troubles. At a College in Regina the slide out living room of the RV got stuck out and the motor died. We had to back the RV up to a loading dock in the freezing, pouring rain in the middle of the night with the living room slid out and then load our gear from the venue to the trailer. It took forever. I was out in the rain for about an hour and a half. I don't know how I didn't get sick. The next day we had to wait for an RV repairman to come out from a town an hour away and fix it. We were 6 hours from the next show and the guy fixed it just in time for us to drive to the venue walk on stage and play with Death By Stereo's gear. The band played an awesome show too dispite having to haul ass to the venue and having no time to get situated when we got there. That wasn't the end of our troubles though. The water tanks in the RV started smelling one day out of nowhere. So we had to find a place real quick to dump all the water. From time to time the smell would come back, and one day the smell came back real bad so we found a campground for RVs and went to dump but the only place to fill was at one of the camp sites. So we pull into the campsite fill our water and get stuck in the mud. We ended up digging a hole with the tires up to the hubs. So for 3 hours we're trying to put wood, rocks and anything we could find under the wheels to get some traction. Finnally a worker brought over a tractor and pulled us out. It was a good thing we had the day off cuz we would have definately missed a show that night. We didn't have any problems after that, but I think those were enough problems for any 1 trip.

All in all it was a great time, a great expierence, and I met some awesome people. I got contact info for some of the people I met in Canada and I hope to take a trip back out there to visit some of them. I really want to go back to Montreal. It's such an awesome city. So much cool shit to do, and the night life was insane. I met some girls out on tour. Canada has some really hot women, especially in Montreal. I didn't hook up with any of the girls I met unfortunately. There were a few chicks I was really into. I definately plan to stay in touch in case I ever go back. I really want to get a band together and go on tour in Canada I think that would be awesome. The kids up there were so into the shows and all the bands. Everywhere we went there were tons of kids and none of them were asshole scenesters with the whole more punk than thou attitude. I'll def be back there one day. There's so much I'm forgetting about, I kept a tour journal that I wrote in every day for the first half of the tour then I never had time after that and only wrote a few big entries. I'm sure this is all I'll be talking about for weeks so I'm sure more stories will surface. At anyrate, gotta get goin. Adios.

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I'm leaving on a jet plane (an RV), don't know when I'll be back again (6 weeks) [02 May 2004|11:22am]
[ mood | excited ]

I'm heading out today. We meet up at 3pm in PA the band's gonna rehearse one more time then we load the RV and the trailer with everything. I still have to run to target to get a few odds and ends. It's tough packing for 6 weeks when you don't know how often you'll get to do laundry, and what kind of weather you're gonna hit. I know we're gonna get snow when we're going through the Rockies. All in all I think it's gonna be awesome. I've spent so much money this week getting ready for the trip. I'm getting some back from the band, but I still shelled out a lot of cash.

I'm gonna be keeping a tour journal with me. I want to document the whole trip. I'm anticipating a lot of crazy shit going down. I'm bringing my digital camera too. I need to pick up some more memory cards so I can take only the highest quality pics. From what I hear Canada is one of the most beautiful places. I'm also hearing that the strip clubs up there are 10 times better than here. Canada here I come!

There were a few people I would have liked to see before I left to say good bye. There wasn't much time though. When I get back I'll get a hold of some people and try to hang out. I had to give in and get a cell phone so I'm gonna try to call some of the more important people. I've got a shitty plan right now with low minutes but it works in Canada so that's what I needed. When I get back I'll switch it to a normal plan.

Anyway I gotta get over to Target to get the rest of my shit then hit the road. Adios.

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"Small craft advisory bad weather up ahead it's time you thought about your life" [25 Apr 2004|03:55pm]
[ mood | excited ]

So the past few weeks have been interesting. I went on an audition at the beginning of the month to be the bass player for the band Bigwig. I was the 5th guy out of about 30 to try out. So about 2 1/2 weeks go by and they call me up to let me know that they thought I was the most comfortable to jam with, but someone else new all the material already and there's only 2 weeks left before they leave for tour. I was kinda bummed, I really wanted the job but they told me that the guy who's playing on the tour probably won't be permenant so I might end up as their bassist in the end. Anyway so a few days after they give me the news I get another call from Tom of Bigwig and he asks me if I'd like to be their sound tech for their Canadian tour starting May 1st. So over the next week we work out the details, transportation, pay, job responsablities and all that. Finally yesturday we got everything ironed out and I took the job. I had to then go to both my bosses and tell them I can't work anymore because I'm going on tour. I figured that Robbies would be pissed and tell me to get out, but supprisingly they offered to have me back when I get home. I'll probably be able to work at Venture again too, so everything works out. This tour is gonna be fucking awesome. 6 weeks on the road in Canada is gonna be sick. For the middle leg of the tour we're doing festival shows with Death By Stereo, Belvedere, Tsunami Bomb, Misconduct & Captain Everything. I'm pretty stoked about it. I'm thinkin bout maybe starting up shows again when I get back. It's gonna be a great learning expierence working on big professional shows with professional bands and crews. I'm finally getting to live out my dreams. I knew something was gonna change soon, and this is it.

Everything else has been getting better too. I'm dealing a lot better with my break up with Kelly. I've been going out a lot more with my old friends. I try to avoid the stupid parties they still have, but I go out when there's a group of people out for buffalo wings or something. It's been fun. I'm not dating or anyting but I'm not just sitting at home either. I knew things would start looking up eventually. I think I found my silver lining.

Anyway I've got to start getting shit together for the tour. I've got lots of things to prepare, clothes to pack, some tools to buy and all that shit. Adios.

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he said she said [13 Apr 2004|12:12am]
I hate when someone says something that you think is about you, but you're not sure, cuz it could be about you, but then again it probably isn't. But then you start wondering, what if it was about me, but naw it couldn't have been about me. So once you've finally convinced yourself it wasn't about you, then you're like shit that had to be in reference to me who the hell else could it have been about. Just in the end to still not be sure who the fuck the other person is talking about. That is so frustrating.
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When I fall asleep your face is all I see...I fall asleep your face is all I dream. [05 Apr 2004|07:52pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I wish I could get her out of my head. I've tried to distract myself but it doesn't really work. I've been hanging out with a girl I dated in HS. I have no interest in dating this girl what so ever, there's a past but no future there. I only want to be with Kelly still. It's been about 5 weeks since we broke up, and I still want to be with her as much as when we were together. It appears that she's already moved on though. I kinda figured she would, she had a lot of guys after her while we were still together. I hope she's happy. I hope the guys she's seeing really care about her and treat her good. It's hard when you love someone and they don't love you back. I'm worried about her a little. From the things I read in her LJ it seems like things are going down hill. I wish I could talk to her and let her know that I'd be there to help her through what ever it is she's going through. I can't talk to her though. I tried reaching out to her last week and it didn't turn out well. It took me 3 days to work up the courage to go see her, and only 5 minutes for me to be heart broken all over again. I keep 2 pictures of her and I as well as a note she wrote me the last night we were together on my mirror in my bedroom. I've got another picture of us in front of me near my computer. Sometimes I just stare at them for a while and think about all the nights that we spent laying in bed with our arms around eachother, and the mornings that we woke up smiling because we were in the same positon we fell asleep in. Not a day goes by where I don't miss her. It's depressing to be young and know that you found your the one person that you're going to love for the rest of your life, and it just didn't work out. I've been in relationships before where I've told the person that I loved them, and I wish I could call those girls up and appologize for not being honest. I realize now that there's never been a person I actually loved other than Kelly. I've never felt so strongly about anyone else before in my life, and I know that if the feelings I have for Kelly is love, then I've never loved anyone else before. I wish there was something I could do to bring her back. I wish that I had done something stupid that made her leave so I could appologize for it and find a way to make it up to her. Problem is I don't really know why she left, there doesn't seem to be a reason. What ever the reason it's what she wants and I have to respect that. I only wish her all the happiness in the world. If I wasn't the right guy for her then I hope she finds him, and I hope he treats her the way she deserves to be treated. I'll always be there for her, any time she's in trouble I'll do what ever I can to help if she asks me. I'd hope she'd be there for me if I needed her, but I don't know if I'd ever ask. She's probably better off with out me interfering in her life. I couldn't make her happy, and I don't want to burdon her with my problems. I never wanted to be an inconvienence, or a burdon, I tried to be a good boyfriend and if given a chance I'd try much harder. If I would have ever thought that we weren't going to be together forever I never would have let myself fall in love with her. I'll never make that mistake again, it hurts so much more to lose the person you love than to be alone. I've had both feelings, and I'd take loneliness over what I'm feeling now. Enough spewing of emotion and feelings for one day. I just wish the apartment had never come up and things had been different. I'm sorry I trapped you when you wanted to be free. I hope freedom is everything you hoped it would be. Goodnight,

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Words never rung so loud in my ears...I've never been so let down before. [28 Mar 2004|05:25pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

"I love you more than you could ever know.
I'll be back soon.
Thank you for being so amazing.
Love Always."



Broken Hearted...All I get are lies.


It's one thing to not know what you want,
it's another to be sure of what you don't want.


I'm sorry that I bothered you...it won't happen again.

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Just when I thougt things couldn't get worse... [27 Mar 2004|11:02pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

I'd have to say that tonight was the worst idea I've ever had.

The thing about biting the bullet is that sometimes you wish it would have killed you.

Ideas are over rated...I should stop having them.

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